The Calm Before the Storm
My life was average and at times, it feels like I took that for granted. I was sharp in school and pursued a stable career over my passion. I was an accountant. I worked long hours, studied for the CPA exam, spent what little free time I had with loved ones, and made enough money to pay my bills.
When I look back, things really did seem like they were on an upturn for me. I got promoted at my job in about half the time of other staff and my relationship with my son and boyfriend were at a peak. I didn't see the crash coming.
The Crash
In January of 2016, I was in a car accident. Just as I was getting ready to turn left after the light turned red, a car coming at full speed in the opposite direction ran the light and I crashed into him.
I pulled onto the street. He drove around the block once, checked to see if I was alive, and then drove away. Initially, I felt fine, but later that night I was nauseous and needed to go to the emergency room. The following months changed my life forever.
To make a long story short, I lost a baby that I didn't know I had, was in and out of the hospital many times and slipped into a deep depression that lasted the better part of six months. I became obese, lost many relationships, cried on what felt like a daily basis, and thought of ending my life.
I was angry, questioning the universe and putting a lot of blame on the man who hit me. It was irritating that he didn't know all that I had gone through. How could he in a split second cause so much hurt and pain in my life and just drive away? I hated him and I held a grudge for a long time, until one day I didn't.
I Broke
I'm not entirely sure about the events that lead up to my turn of thinking, but after feeling nothing but pure depression for months, it broke.
Things were all of a sudden very different. I had a ton of energy, spent my days laughing and smiling, and I could hold a conversation with just about anyone. I remember one time in particular, I was crossing the street and smiled at a stranger. His reaction of "Whoa!!" scared me. He immediately said, "Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you, it's just you're the only person who has acknowledged my existence in a long time."
His comment made me both happy and sad. In my blissful state, I did not realize this man was homeless, just saw another human being and greeted him. This blissful state lasted for a couple months.
I wasn't sleeping as much as I normally do, but I had more than enough energy to do everything that I needed and even better, everything that I wanted. My bank account had more money in it than ever before, I passed the hardest part of my CPA exam, lost more weight than I had previously gained, and enjoyed flourishing personal and professional relationships, but the most peculiar part was that I couldn't stop telling the truth.
TRUTH and Basketball
It was my son's second season playing basketball at the park. In his previous season, I was enchanted with the coaches and their ability to encourage and facilitate a team atmosphere. This new coach did not impress me and during the first game of the season, I was unintentionally vocal about it.
While watching the game, I blurted out loud, "This coach is horrible! That kid has had the ball the entire game! My son has been on the bench this whole time! Why do I bring my child here if he isn't going to learn about team work?"
Unbeknown to me, the coach's girlfriend was sitting right in front of me the whole game. Immediately after the last seconds of the game, she stood up, turned around and said, "She's actually a really great coach, ok!"
I didn't respond, but my face said what I didn't. I was confused, she had watched the same game.
She continued, "That's my girlfriend."
Irrelevant.
Finally she said, "Just give her a chance, ok?!" and walked away.
Those words hit me. It was only the first game of the season and the other team had two assistant coaches. A light bulb went off and I asked my ex-husband to assist her in coaching.
In that instance my raw truth had turned their season into an enjoyable one. In all aspects of my life, I continued to blurt out the truth uncontrollably. It wasn't until my most difficult lies began to unravel that I took a pause.
My Ugly Truth
I realized that the truth wasn't always pretty, not for the coach when I had blurted my feelings out and not for me when I was confronted with lies that I had told loved ones. Even though those lies were in the past and I wasn't the same person anymore, I know that I still NEEDED to tell the truth.
I confronted each one as they came up, apologized to my loved ones, and stated that I would not being doing anything to "make it up" to them because I was a different person.
At the time, confessing to my loved ones was the most difficult truths I had ever faced. It ended my blissful period; things went back to average.
Even then, I felt a giant wave of relief come over me. A huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and I vowed to do my best to be honest from then on.
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