If there’s anything I’ve learned recently: it’s don’t worry about what anyone thinks, not even your family. Live your life and do what you want to because even if your family thinks you’re stupid they’re still going to be there to help clean up your stupid mess. They might give you crap about it while they have to clean, but trust me you’ll laugh about it later on, at least that how it was with my family.
I unknowingly hurt them by making the mistakes they probably made at my age and maybe they remember the pain, so they don’t want me to go through what they went through. But I’m myself so I do it anyway and some parts really hurt them, so I hide those entirely. But deep down I know you’ll love me the same if you knew the whole truth.
I don’t know at the same time they hurt me. I felt like I wasn’t able to be myself 100%, like I was made fun of so I hide the parts of me you didn’t like and I saw you were hiding yourself and didn’t understand why. I guess I understand a little now.
I know both of those feelings regarding family sucks but we’re still family.
I don’t even mean immediately family. I just mean anyone who chose to be in my life when I needed them there. I’ve heard a lot of “labels” like family and friends and what I mean by that is that everyone has a different definition of the word family and friends and I’ve been excluded and included in every single one, sometimes by the same person.
So for me I’ve felt the rejection and the gratification, but what do I prefer? That’s the real question. Both I guess. Take the good with the bad. You might not understand me and consider me family now but maybe later?
And when it comes to how I choose to define family or friend, which can be the same is a person who I KNOW without a doubt will pick up the phone when I tell them it’s important and a person I KNOW without a doubt that I would do the same for.
I guess that makes family a two way street, who knew? Everyone, that’s who; we all knew. I guess that’s what makes things so hard.
Relationships build on love are a two way street, so sometimes you just want to be understood kind of like hey can you just show me your headlights coming down the street and I promise I’ll go as fast as I can to meet you at the other end, but my ego gets in the way a lot and sometimes I can’t even get the car started.
Anyway, today was a big day for me and tomorrow might be bigger, I think let’s see.
Besides who cares about burning down Bridges anyway? Isn’t that one of the gifts trees give us? We can always just sacrifice a tree like sacrificing our ego to build a new stronger bridge together based on love and mutual understanding from past mistakes and lessons from how the bridge burned down in the first place.
Trees are important to me so I guess that’s why I used the word sacrifice but the truth is your ego is important. It says a lot about who you are on the inside. But yeah, take a risk, take a chance, burn a bridge, you have the option of planting another tree.
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