Dear Diary,
I had a soul cleansing cry last night about Brad for the first time since we broke up, if you can even call it that, more like since our relationship ended. But yeah, it was spiritual; I literally felt like a new person this morning. Speaking of which, I've been extremely productive this week. I don't know when it started, but on Monday I tried to switch Kayden with me in the rooms so he could have his own room, but Nehru objected, so I just ended up deep cleaning both of our rooms. That took until Tuesday. I ended up with two small bags of trash and seven bags of donation. Then I helped Nehru peel eight bags of potatoes that are 10 pounds each. Today, I deep cleaned my bathroom, did the laundry, took Jackson for a run, diced 20 pounds of chicken, and stuffed hundreds of samosas. I think my therapist will be super proud of me! I even drank my detoxes this morning and did my scent training. I want to make a to do list and update my blog.
Back to Brad, so while I was going through everything, I found some stuff that was his. I found his stimulus check and I told him about it. He said he had do pay extra in taxes because he never received it, but the IRS claimed he did. I also found a note he wrote that said, "Why is it so easy and so hard to lie to athena?"
I don't even really know what to think except I guess that sums up parts of our relationship and goes against everything I and my truth journey stand for. Isn't it crazy that someone can just manipulate your reality and not even think twice about it? But anyway, the song "The Way I Loved You," by Taylor Swift came on and I started just remembering how crazy passionate we were and for the first time in two and a half years, I mourned him and our relationship. The tears just flowed and flowed and it felt like I was processing so much raw emotion. It's not like I want him back or need him in my life; I just never took the opportunity to truly feel anything. We were together for 6.5 years. I spent all of my twenties with this man and now he is a perfect stranger. But those memories, nobody can erase. It's always a good idea to reflect on the ending of anything, positive or negative. I don't think I'm fully done processing, but I do think yesterdaywas a great start. I am hoping to channel this new found energy to put a list of goals together and work on them. Ironic that it rained when I cried...again.
Honestly,
Athena
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