Background: I went to see Robert during lunch, this past Monday. Randomly, while we were cuddling, he said that he felt like I was going to stab him. I was taken aback. I asked why he felt that way. I've never stabbed anyone before and if I stabbed him, it would be for a good reason. Then I got this overwhelming feeling that he wasn't telling me something.
So, I dropped it and the paranoia went away. I saw Robert the following night and we had a really fun time at dinner. When he was driving me home, he went to turn on his GPS and all of his apps appeared and I saw the Hinge dating app. I was like, "That's Hinge!" He denied it, so, I clicked on it and sure enough, it was on a girl's dating profile. I don't remember much of what was said after that, nothing nasty or degrading. I cried the whole way home and he made excuses and deleted the app, so he totally missed the point.
I believed him over my intuition and feelings. He flat out lied, "...I haven't been on the apps for months..." He tried to make me feel crazy for having the feeling. "Sorry you feel weird but I think it's just you" Isn't that gaslighting?
I have a lot to think about. This relationship is the first one that I've been 100% honest, almost to a fault. I told him every lucid thought I had. I think I'm hurt; I feel sad, but I don't have any regrets. I'd still rather be me.
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