Me: Is mommy an alcoholic?
Kayden: No...well only on Friday's.
Me: Why are there so many people at the storage unit today?
Kayden: It's winter, so people probably need to store their food.
Kayden: Mommy, Brad too me to five flags today!
Every age of raising my son has been the best age.
The best argument for getting your child a cell phone: being able to take it away when they get in trouble.
My seven year old son, my boyfriend, and I play handball on the living room wall (yes, it’s covered in dirt). My son makes up new rules to his advantage when he isn’t winning. One night, he beat us after making up quite a few new rules. When I told him to go shower, he proceeded to walk towards the bathroom, turned around, and waived his finger at us saying, “You two better practice so you can beat me when I get out of the shower." My boyfriend and I couldn’t stop laughing.
My son is seven years old and one day on the drive to school he said, “Mommy, I wish that everyone in the world could live to 200, so we wouldn’t have to miss anyone.” My heart melted entirely.
My eight year old’s reaction immediately after watching the movie Good Boys, “Yeah that’s my favorite movie ever!"
Other Kids on Halloween: Trick or Treat
My Kids on Halloween: FBI! Open Up!
I’m single for the first time in ten years and I just drunk text messaged my son, “I’m so proud of you <3.”
I took Arabic lessons as a child and without realizing what they were doing, my parents immediately pulled us out of the classes after 9/11 happened.
I was walking my eight year old to his classroom in second grade. A boy and his mother were walking alongside us and the mom said to the boy that kids his age don’t have cellphones. The kid pointed to me and said yeah they do, that fourth grader over there has one. The mom looked over and said ah yeah I guess she does.
My son asked for a puppy. I can’t handle that level of responsibility. I don’t know how I kept him alive for eight years. It’s like one of those things that I did really amazing at without thinking, but if you asked me to do it again, I don’t know if I can.
When my ex-husband and I were having our son, we decorated his entire baby room with monkeys. My mom came to visit just before I was due and said, “You guys know you’re having a baby, not a monkey, right?”
You know what’s crazy about being a parent? I wish I was more like my son, everyday.
I almost forgot the true definition of summer until my second grader corrected me when I tried to say that summer started June 20th. The last day of school was June 8th, duh.
The last house we went to on Halloween had goodie bags for the adults with those mini booze bottles in them.
If you don’t embarrass your kids, are you even a parent?
I think it’s important to recognize the mistakes your parents make, especially when raising a child of your own because you don’t want to make those same mistakes. At the same time, it’s important to forgive their shortcomings and heal.
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